Memories

Both of my parents are dead now. I still have their memories,though. My dad died 33 years ago after a long battle with lung cancer. I've spent more of my life without him now than I had with him. I woke up the other morning wondering what I really knew about him. When he was here and I could ask him all kinds of questions, I was too caught up in my own drama to even be interested in finding out what made him tick. Now, I wonder about him. What was his passion? What were his politics? What did he believe in? I guess I'll never know. This I do know. He was a great dad and I know that he loved me. My mom died just five years ago. She was so many different things to me throughout my life. Without going into details, I loved her and I hated many things about her. But, ultimately, she was my friend. When she died, I knew I'd lost the one person who loved me warts and all. I still can hear her voice in my ear and I really do try to listen better now that she's gone. So, if you are reading this and your parents are still alive, stop your busy life for a few minutes and jot down a few questions. Then, take the time to find the answers.

Ageism in the Media and Social Media

I have been noticing lately that there seems to be an increasing amount of referencing of angry, old, white men or some other way of disparaging someone because of their age. Even the recent debate moderator, Jim Lehrer, was put down because of his age. One pundit wrote, "I hope I’m still working at 78, but you see the downside.”(Michael Wolff) On the Daily Kos site there have been several diaries recently to reference the angry, old, white men meme. I.E. http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/09/02/1126962/-Must-Read-LTE-Angry-Old-White-Men. Now, I am not an old white man. Actually, I am an old white woman. And I am starting to get angry about all the references to age in the media and social media. I follow Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, and Daily Kos. I read many blogs and diaries everyday. And I get upset with all the young writers who are lumping all of us over 60 into the angry, old, white person category. I refuse to be categorized. If you looked at my photo, you might assume that I am a nice little, old, lady who is socially conservative. And if you did, then, you'd be very wrong. I am a pro-choice, progressive Democrat who wants to see our country get away from dependence on petroleum and move toward sustainable energy products. I want to reign in the military industrial complex and put more of our tax dollars to work re-building our infrastructure and developing programs to help people get out of poverty. I don't think giving tax breaks to millionaires and billionaires is the way to do this. I want to see more equality in the United States of America and support marriage equality, equal pay, and I would like to see renewed efforts toward an Equal Rights Amendment to our Constitution. I am not crazy about The Patriot Act or the fact that our President signed an extension of it last year. I support the ACLU and their efforts to repeal it. However, I must trust that the President had some very good reasons for his last minute signing of the extension. Now, I wonder, do any of the media-types ever wonder why some older folks are angry? When I was younger, I used to wonder why some older people seemed cranky. Now that I am older, I think I am beginning to understand. I can't presume to speak for others, however. So, what follows is merely what makes me angry. I get angry when people don't listen. Often, they are just waiting for you to finish talking so they can talk. Haven't you ever had the experience where you were talking with someone and were interrupted? Then, when you tried to resume the conversation, neither of you could remember what you'd been saying? I can't tell you how many times I've told my adult children something only to have them later act like they'd never heard it before. That tells me they weren't even listening when I first said it. And that makes me angry. I also get upset when someone assumes they know what I am thinking or feeling. How audacious of them! Like I said before, don't put me into one of your categories. Don't assume. Ask. Makes a whole lot of difference and is much more respectful. I am also angry because I've heard some pretty stupid excuses made by some pretty smart people. Do they really think I am that naive and simple that I would buy into their platitudes? Seriously, if you don't want to make me angry, then I would encourage you to treat me just like you do any other person you encounter every day. Don't look at my gray hair and wrinkles and assume you know what makes me tick. You might try asking me a question and then listening to my answer. And if you disagree with me, please know that I am a big girl and I can accept that we have a difference of opinion. I will promise you to work just as hard at understanding your view as you do to understand mine. So here's the deal. I won't put you down for being young and lacking experience and you can try respecting the idea that I've been around the block a few times and might have something worthwhile to add to the conversation. Finally, to paraphrase what an favorite teacher once told me, I won't believe what they tell me about young people, if you won't believe what they tell you about old people.

What's Wrong with Aging Anyhow?

Every magazine I pick up has a plethora of articles with anti-aging in the title. It's starting to get to me. Why should we be anti-aging? Aren't we all doing it? It's sort of like being anti-breathing. If you aren't aging, then what the hell are you doing? You're dead, right? Actually, I think it's time our society start venerating aging. I don't know about you, but, I'm damned glad I'm aging. That means I'm still alive and I have another opportunity to learn, love, help someone, make a difference in this world. I think I'll start writing letters to the editors of those magazines asking them to start including some article on the positive aspects of aging. One of my favorite books on the subject is Getting Over Getting Older by Letty Cottin Pogrebin. It was written in 1996. She also has a great blog: http://www.womensmediacenter.com/author/profile/letty-cottin-pogrebin. Once you start looking at the literature on the subject of aging, you can discover tons of interesting books. Just a few that I've found are: Composing a Further Life by Mary Catherine Bateson, Claiming Your Place at the Fire, by Richard J. Leider and David A. Shapiro, The Gift of Years, Growing Older Gracefully, by Joan Chittister, and Prime Time, by Jane Fonda. Each of these is a realistic look at life beyond the age of 50. They offer insights and suggestions on how to make the most of the life ahead of us. So, unless you plan to die young, I would encourage you to look into aging and stop all this anti-aging nonsense.

First Year of Retirement

It has now been one year since I retired. I've had a great time. Last summer, I tackled my weedy gardens and felt pleased with the results. Then, I traveled to Southern California to visit family and later in the fall drove to Florida and went on my first cruise. Spring brought a trip to Mesa, Arizona to see Cubs spring training for two weeks. I would not have been able to do any of this if I had stayed on as a school counselor. Now, the truth is that I haven't missed it as much as I thought I would. I really enjoy being home and having my day to plan as I will. I have also gotten Kenny into the habit of working out. We had a little side step when his neck started hurting while we were in Mesa. But, two epidurals later and some good physical therapy and we are back in action. We are busy this summer with taking care of the yard and gardens. Also, we are taking our granddaughter to her summer camp program every weekday. This gets us into town and ready to workout. So, all in all, retirement is a blessing.

Self-awareness

I really thought I wanted to do it. I've deluded myself for many months. I thought I wanted to do some part time work somewhere. I've looked in the want ads in the paper each Sunday to see if the magic job was there. Then, suddenly and quite unexpectedly, Dr. Lori Russell called me to see if I would be interested in working with her practice and doing some counseling in Canton. She said it would just be 5-8 hours a week. We met at the ICA conference and discussed it over lunch. When I got home from the conference, I contacted her associate and discussed the position with him. He sent me the paperwork and I sent him my credentials and other requested materials. Then, Kenny and I went on vacation to Florida and on our cruise. We returned last week and I set up at meeting with the associate for orientation to their practice. I met with him yesterday and came home with a briefcase of materials and two manuals. As I sat here last night reading the materials, I kept getting an uneasy feeling. Each time, I would dispute it and rationalize it away as only fear of the unknown. I told myself that as soon as I learned the ropes of their system and got back into action, I would feel better about everything. Then, I went to bed. About 2:30 AM, I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. I finally got up and wrote in my journal at 3:30. I tried to decide what exactly was producing my unease. I finally came to the conclusion that I was not put off by fear, but, was really not wanting to go back to work at all. I didn't want to take this job or any job. I love having my freedom for the first time in my life. I hadn't realized how precious that was to me. Since I've been an adult, I've either been a student, a parent, or worked for someone. I've always had to answer to someone or be available to someone. Now, is the first time in my life where every day is my own. I can do whatever I please. This freedom is a precious thing and I was about to trade it all away for a paltry paycheck. I am so glad that I listened to my gut and then had the courage to follow up on my conviction. I dreaded informing Dr. Russell and her associate. I was very difficult for me to let them down. I know they were both hoping I was the person for the Canton position. That is the only part of this that troubles me. I sent them both an email this morning informing them of my decision. I spoke in person with the associate when I returned the briefcase and materials. Later, Dr. Russell called me and I told her my reasons for deciding not to accept the position. I believe that she understood and accepted my logic. I hope and pray that there aren't any hard feelings and I apologized for my failure to know my own heart for so long. I have learned a very important lesson and hope to do a better job in the future with awareness of what I want and don't want in my life. I guess that I've done this many times before and that only recently have I started to trust my own feelings and not try to use logic to override what I know to be true. As I told them in the email, every time I've used logic to override a "gut" feeling, I've ended up regretting the choice that I made. The truth is that logic can only take a person so far in life and then instinct or trust must then take over. I don't know why it has taken me 62 years to learn and accept and use this knowledge, I am only grateful that I've finally learned to be true to myself. I have to give some credit to Oprah Winfrey. She recently had a series on her new network OWN called Life's Lessons. I watched several segments and she stressed throughout the programming the importance of listening to your gut and creating an awareness of what is and is not good for you. She stressed trusting your instincts and not letting logic talk you into out out of something that you know. Today, I chose to apply that lesson to my life and I feel great and relieved.

Retirement? What?

I have 28 more days to work before I'm done as a professional school counselor. I have spent many hours considering what I want to do next. In some ways I feel like a teenager trying to decide on what direction to go in life. There are so many things that interest me that I find it challenging to get serious about a decision. Some of the things that I want to do are: purge my life of stuff that I've accumulated over the years. I am reading Unstuff Your Life! by Andrew J. Mellen and I highly recommend it if you are interested in organization and clearing out extra stuff that you really don't need. My next project is getting Kenny up and moving. There is a senior center at our park district and I plan to take him there 2-3 days weekly for exercise. Wish me luck as he doesn't seem too motivated to get moving. But, I can't in good conscience just give up before I even try to help him. I will also be spending time with Veda during June. Her mommy is planning to take a summer class in Tennessee on an archeological dig. Veda will enter kindergarten in the fall. We will visit the library and any other place I can take her to enrich her life and help her learn. After school starts, Kenny and I may take a bus trip to Door County for a few days. We are also looking into a train trip to San Antonio. I want to develop more on the internet, with a website and more blogging. And I want to continue to be an activist in the political arena. Then, I also want to do some counseling somewhere on a part-time basis. Of, course, God may have an entirely different plan for me, so, I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

They say-I say

They say 60 is the new 40.
I say that's wishful thinking.
They say you are only as old as you feel.
I say how you feel is only one part of how old you are.
They say getting older makes you wiser.
I say maybe, but it also can make you rigid, especially when rigor mortis sets in.
They say there isn't enough time in the day to do things.
I say why not make time each day to do what you want.
They say money isn't everything.
I say that I'd like to find that out for myself.
.........