When I'm 64

"When I get older, losing my hair, many years from now Will you still be sending me a valentine, birthday greetings, bottle of wine? If I'd been out 'til quarter to three, would you lock the door? Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm sixty-four? You'll be older too Ah, and if you say the word, I could stay with you I could be handy, mending a fuse when your lights have gone You can knit a sweater by the fireside, Sunday mornings, go for a ride Doing the garden, digging the weeds, who could ask for more? Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm sixty-four? Every summer we can rent a cottage In the Isle of Wight if it's not to, dear We shall scrimp and save Ah, grandchildren on your knee, Vera, Chuck and Dave Send me a postcard, drop me a line stating point of view Indicate precisely what you mean to say, yours sincerely wasting away Give me your answer, fill in a form, mine forever more Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm sixty-four?" This is what we thought when we were young and the Beatles were singing our mantra of youth. Now that I am a few days away from 64, I am pondering what meaning it has for me now. When I look in the mirror, I see a gray-haired lady with a smile on her face. I wonder what happened to the girl I used to know. Somewhere, deep inside, she is there looking back at me, wondering what happened. I've spent 2/3's of my life as Kenny's wife. Over 30 years as somebody's mother and nearly seven as grandma. How did all this happen? I was 20, then, I blinked and now I am soon to be 64. I feel sad that I didn't appreciate each precious day as it unfolded. Why did I spend so much time looking forward. I was always looking forward to a day out there somewhere instead of just soaking up the essence of the present moment. Well, I've learned my lesson. From this moment forward, I vow to relish the moment. Where ever I am, whoever I'm with, I will soak up the time like a greedy sponge. I want to feel it all. I will spend my time on people, activities, events that please me. Simple. That's it. New goal for the rest of my life.

Memories

Both of my parents are dead now. I still have their memories,though. My dad died 33 years ago after a long battle with lung cancer. I've spent more of my life without him now than I had with him. I woke up the other morning wondering what I really knew about him. When he was here and I could ask him all kinds of questions, I was too caught up in my own drama to even be interested in finding out what made him tick. Now, I wonder about him. What was his passion? What were his politics? What did he believe in? I guess I'll never know. This I do know. He was a great dad and I know that he loved me. My mom died just five years ago. She was so many different things to me throughout my life. Without going into details, I loved her and I hated many things about her. But, ultimately, she was my friend. When she died, I knew I'd lost the one person who loved me warts and all. I still can hear her voice in my ear and I really do try to listen better now that she's gone. So, if you are reading this and your parents are still alive, stop your busy life for a few minutes and jot down a few questions. Then, take the time to find the answers.

Ageism in the Media and Social Media

I have been noticing lately that there seems to be an increasing amount of referencing of angry, old, white men or some other way of disparaging someone because of their age. Even the recent debate moderator, Jim Lehrer, was put down because of his age. One pundit wrote, "I hope I’m still working at 78, but you see the downside.”(Michael Wolff) On the Daily Kos site there have been several diaries recently to reference the angry, old, white men meme. I.E. http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/09/02/1126962/-Must-Read-LTE-Angry-Old-White-Men. Now, I am not an old white man. Actually, I am an old white woman. And I am starting to get angry about all the references to age in the media and social media. I follow Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, and Daily Kos. I read many blogs and diaries everyday. And I get upset with all the young writers who are lumping all of us over 60 into the angry, old, white person category. I refuse to be categorized. If you looked at my photo, you might assume that I am a nice little, old, lady who is socially conservative. And if you did, then, you'd be very wrong. I am a pro-choice, progressive Democrat who wants to see our country get away from dependence on petroleum and move toward sustainable energy products. I want to reign in the military industrial complex and put more of our tax dollars to work re-building our infrastructure and developing programs to help people get out of poverty. I don't think giving tax breaks to millionaires and billionaires is the way to do this. I want to see more equality in the United States of America and support marriage equality, equal pay, and I would like to see renewed efforts toward an Equal Rights Amendment to our Constitution. I am not crazy about The Patriot Act or the fact that our President signed an extension of it last year. I support the ACLU and their efforts to repeal it. However, I must trust that the President had some very good reasons for his last minute signing of the extension. Now, I wonder, do any of the media-types ever wonder why some older folks are angry? When I was younger, I used to wonder why some older people seemed cranky. Now that I am older, I think I am beginning to understand. I can't presume to speak for others, however. So, what follows is merely what makes me angry. I get angry when people don't listen. Often, they are just waiting for you to finish talking so they can talk. Haven't you ever had the experience where you were talking with someone and were interrupted? Then, when you tried to resume the conversation, neither of you could remember what you'd been saying? I can't tell you how many times I've told my adult children something only to have them later act like they'd never heard it before. That tells me they weren't even listening when I first said it. And that makes me angry. I also get upset when someone assumes they know what I am thinking or feeling. How audacious of them! Like I said before, don't put me into one of your categories. Don't assume. Ask. Makes a whole lot of difference and is much more respectful. I am also angry because I've heard some pretty stupid excuses made by some pretty smart people. Do they really think I am that naive and simple that I would buy into their platitudes? Seriously, if you don't want to make me angry, then I would encourage you to treat me just like you do any other person you encounter every day. Don't look at my gray hair and wrinkles and assume you know what makes me tick. You might try asking me a question and then listening to my answer. And if you disagree with me, please know that I am a big girl and I can accept that we have a difference of opinion. I will promise you to work just as hard at understanding your view as you do to understand mine. So here's the deal. I won't put you down for being young and lacking experience and you can try respecting the idea that I've been around the block a few times and might have something worthwhile to add to the conversation. Finally, to paraphrase what an favorite teacher once told me, I won't believe what they tell me about young people, if you won't believe what they tell you about old people.

What's Wrong with Aging Anyhow?

Every magazine I pick up has a plethora of articles with anti-aging in the title. It's starting to get to me. Why should we be anti-aging? Aren't we all doing it? It's sort of like being anti-breathing. If you aren't aging, then what the hell are you doing? You're dead, right? Actually, I think it's time our society start venerating aging. I don't know about you, but, I'm damned glad I'm aging. That means I'm still alive and I have another opportunity to learn, love, help someone, make a difference in this world. I think I'll start writing letters to the editors of those magazines asking them to start including some article on the positive aspects of aging. One of my favorite books on the subject is Getting Over Getting Older by Letty Cottin Pogrebin. It was written in 1996. She also has a great blog: http://www.womensmediacenter.com/author/profile/letty-cottin-pogrebin. Once you start looking at the literature on the subject of aging, you can discover tons of interesting books. Just a few that I've found are: Composing a Further Life by Mary Catherine Bateson, Claiming Your Place at the Fire, by Richard J. Leider and David A. Shapiro, The Gift of Years, Growing Older Gracefully, by Joan Chittister, and Prime Time, by Jane Fonda. Each of these is a realistic look at life beyond the age of 50. They offer insights and suggestions on how to make the most of the life ahead of us. So, unless you plan to die young, I would encourage you to look into aging and stop all this anti-aging nonsense.

First Year of Retirement

It has now been one year since I retired. I've had a great time. Last summer, I tackled my weedy gardens and felt pleased with the results. Then, I traveled to Southern California to visit family and later in the fall drove to Florida and went on my first cruise. Spring brought a trip to Mesa, Arizona to see Cubs spring training for two weeks. I would not have been able to do any of this if I had stayed on as a school counselor. Now, the truth is that I haven't missed it as much as I thought I would. I really enjoy being home and having my day to plan as I will. I have also gotten Kenny into the habit of working out. We had a little side step when his neck started hurting while we were in Mesa. But, two epidurals later and some good physical therapy and we are back in action. We are busy this summer with taking care of the yard and gardens. Also, we are taking our granddaughter to her summer camp program every weekday. This gets us into town and ready to workout. So, all in all, retirement is a blessing.